Lose the map

Welcome to LoseTheMap, former diary of travels around Asia, then account of everyday life in Moscow, and now with my family in Berlin - VERSIONE ITALIANA

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Cars

Big, black, massive, that's how it has to be.
Moscow is a city where a Hummer is just a decent means of transport. It doesn't look big, here.
I suggest you this beautiful tutorial on how to drive in Moscow.
The art of parking in Moscow is something beyond the mind: sidewalks, zebra crossing, in the middle of a junction, anywhere; the road is yours, fellow driver!

Moscow cars
8-lane avenue filled with big black and expensive.
The white minivan is a leftover from before the capitalist revolution

Moscow car
I don't understand these human beings, always trying to cross MY road... Who they think they are?

Moscow car
This is nice. Zebra crossing + junction parking.
Interestingly enough I saw the same car in the same position many times, on my way to work.
It must be a private parking

Moscow
The rear view offers another perspective on this brilliant example of Moscow parking

Moscow
I got furious when I've seen this cheap crap on THE private parking. Where is justice? Where?

Moscow cars
Brilliant Double Zebra parking. See how dynamic and smooth the composition is well balanced

Moscow cars
The poor pedestrian almost succeeded in crossing the zebra (on green traffic light), and at the last second this big black SUV managed to cut through and try to kill the victim with a world-cup-worth-tackle. The guy amazed can only surrender.

Moscow car
A bulldozer nicely parked and a Hummer shrinking in the corner on a wrong way down. So what?

Moscow
Another jewel placed in the middle of a zebra crossing

Moscow car
Magnificent double zebra crossing parking

Moscow car
I was waiting for a marshrutka and almost didn't notice that this guy (later recognised as illegal taxi driver) was inflating the car tyre with a bicycle pump!

Moscow
And right behind him I found this nice juxtaposition

Moscow
The whole picture was a suburban piece of art

Moscow
He's in a hurry, gotta buy Moscow Daily - nevermind if he almost killed that poor pedestrian

Moscow cars
Official members proudly show off their status

Moscow
I like old school romantic rockers

Moscow
Especially with racing rims

Moscow
Smooth double parking. When I went back the same alley the red car and the one behind were gone.
The white car was exactly in the middle of the road, alone, still. Unluckily my camera batteries were also gone!

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking

Moscow
Sidewalk parking

Moscow
Sidewalk parking

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking

Moscow
Sidewalk parking

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking

Moscow cars
Sidewalk parking full blocking - solitary

Moscow cars
Sidewalk parking full blocking - solitary

Moscow car
Sidewalk parking almost full scale

Moscow cars
Sidewalk parking full jackpot

Moscow cars
Sidewalk parking almost accomplished (50/50 parking)

Moscow cars
Double sidewalk parking

Moscow cars
On the other extreme Moscow drivers can be very precise and capable of "one-millimetre-to-the-sidewalk" parkings

Moscow cars
This is borderline between a "one-millimetre-to-the-sidewalk" parkings and a "Double parking".
Anyway the car is right in the middle of the road. Brilliant.

Moscow car
I can't remember which car was parked and which one was trying to find a way out of this mess

Moscow
This would be a normal situation everywhere, but when I saw this in Moscow a tear came to my eyes:
no sidewalk, no zebra, no big, no black.

Moscow
I saw these orange trucks only once: they had to clean up roads and sidewalks to give space for a parade. Do you know, dear Moscow mayor, that in some country they give tickets to unauthorized parkings, and they make a lot of money out of it?
Oh yes you don't need money, you need brains. This is just a tip in case your oil and gas expire.

Moscow cars
Massive roads are massively kept wet by these friendly trucks

Moscow
No car plate, no problems.

Moscow
No car plate, no problems.

Moscow cars
No car plate, no problems.

Moscow car
No car plate, no lights, no problems.

Moscow car
The blue sticker says: HOOLIGAN. I don't think he's kidding or making it up, they are real fucking hooligans.
Ah, by the way, the photo is here because the car is parked right on the entrance of public park (only for pedestrians, as usually happens for parks).
How i wish to blow the tyre of this hooligan. Alas, he wouldn't understand why.

Moscow car
I was a bit shocked by the sight of this 2 (only!) wheel thing; maybe is connected to the Medslujba behing. Reassuringly a big black suv is in the scene. It wouldn't be Moscow otherwise. Nor Macao.

Moscow car
Another weird 2 wheeled object

Moscow car
This is not Sicily, it' still Moscow. Note about catering: Russians are mad about italian and japanese food. So mad that you cannot find an italian restaurant WITHOUT special japanese side menu, and viceversa. Possibly everywhere you can get pizza and sushi, best with a big glass of Kvass - I'm gonna open a Pizz'n'Sushi place anytime soon, but not in Moscow, somewhere else!

Moscow car
How I wish to own this car

Moscow cars
The paper says: "Do not open and enter, this car has owner and all documents, I'm a student!"

Moscow cars
He's a bit confused - Russia or America?

Moscow cars
Safety hood lock

Moscow cars
Safety door lock

Moscow cars
Pimp my ride

Moscow cars
Please, Pimp my ride!

Moscow car
A Volga pretending to be a Mercedes

Moscow car
The gray car is carefully placed at the entrance of the public alley, and the red got stuck. I noticed how drivers respect each others. The latter didn't make much fuss of it, he was actually studying a detour through the garden to reach his destination. He spent to much time thinking and I got tired and left the scene, already satisfied.

Moscow car
I saw this tractor after long time I've seen one. I think it would be actually comfortable and safe to drive tractors in Moscow traffic

Moscow car
The unfamous blue-lights, or blue-buckets: who owns them is more fucker of all the fuckers in town. If there are no rules in general for drivers, they can really do what the fuck they want.
A blue-bucket is a sign of membership to any flourishing criminal organizations in the city

Moscow car
The car slightly on the zebra is not the attraction here: the zebra itself ends nowhere, and you'll need to run over the 4 lane road in order to save your life!

Moscow car
This is interesting: a huge sidewalk in Moscow is usually home of cars for 70% and pedestrians + drunkers for 30%.
The government had an amazing idea: to get rid of 70% of sidewalks, in order to allow cars to be in the same place as they would anyway, without the hassle of climbing the sidewalk.
Isn't it genious?

Moscow car
Moscow landscape




No comments: